I Remembered
by Fatal Yaoi
Summary: Lawrence lives up to his promise to Adam and saves him. Now, they find themselves beside John and as their lives begin to unfold and change, so does their relationship. But did either of them really know what they were agreeing to when they made their choice?


**Disclaimer: I don't own Saw or any of the character. I just like to bend them to my will and sometimes that means they're gay.**

**A/N: Well you don't get things like this from me very often but after having a huge Saw marathon and just finishing the first movie, when really I should be studying for finals, I realized it needed to happen. I don't think anyone else has done this but don't quote me on it because I haven't REALLY made my way through the Chainshipping fanfiction archive yet though I'm glad to be adding to it. Enjoy, guys**!

* * *

**I Remembered**

**Chapter 1**

Lawrence Gordon had gone through a lot of shit to get where he was today. It wasn't all bad, of course, but the worst of it hadn't been cutting off his own foot—though, it really should have been. John had helped him, allowed him to let go of his family despite loving them dearly. They thought he was dead; there was no point in putting them through more horror. He kept his eye on them, John drove past every once and a while to check on them as it had only been a few weeks but Lawrence knew it was better. It killed him to let go of his daughter but he was strong and so was she. Maybe, one day, after it was all over he could tell them but Allison wouldn't understand.

Hell, he barely understood why he was currently sitting beside John Kramer, the man who was the reason why Lawrence chose to cut his own foot off in the first place, shoot Adam, and put his family through unimaginable fear. Lawrence just couldn't walk always after seeing Amanda so enlightened, he couldn't say no when John helped him and offered Lawrence a place beside him.

It was their secret. Jill wasn't to be told until after the cancer caught up with John and Lawrence agreed on one term.

Adam couldn't be left in that room to die.

"Why is he so important to you? He failed the game, Doctor."

"I told you not to call me that," Lawrence bit back in defense. "And it wasn't his game, it was mine. I failed."

"You learned from your mistakes. You chose to stop taking life for granted," John responded simply.

They were sitting in John's shop and the man was working on one of his Billy dolls, unscrewing one of the mechanisms and playing one of the messages over and over to make sure it worked. Lawrence simply sat on a hospital bed, brought in for him to recover in until an actual place to live could be found. John had a place, of course, but Lawrence stayed here—for now. He wasn't particularly happy about it either.

"He hasn't been given a chance. He begged me, John. He begged me not to leave him and I promised I would bring someone back to save him. I can't break my promise again, not after Diana."

John exhaled and turned his head to look at Lawrence.

"I've already saved him."

"You didn't—" Lawrence trailed off, gazing at the side of his head in horror.

"I did not kill him, I'm not a murderer," John reminded quietly.

"I know but—Amanda?"

"Adam is alive," John stated quietly. "He's been alive for quite some time but he's…" John paused. "…. indisposed until the opportune time."

"W-what?" Lawrence asked, shifting as if to stand up, though both men knew he couldn't.

"He's being kept unconscious until you are well enough to see him." John turned back around and continued working on the doll. "I don't believe he would take kindly to seeing anyone besides you upon waking up," he added quietly in the gruff tone that told Lawrence that John was going to be setting up another trap soon.

"Who else are you planning on… Recruiting?"

"You mean saving?" John asked and Lawrence bit his tongue to stop him from laughing.

He wasn't stupid. Lawrence knew the next trap was meant for another recruitment and he also knew the irony in this situation was too strong to ignore but he wasn't going through some sick case of Stockholm syndrome either—though, he didn't need to be a psychologist to know Amanda was heading down that path _fast_. John needed man-power. Amanda worked for the kindness and the proof, Lawrence worked for surgical needs as well as looking after John himself, but Lawrence didn't have the strength or balance to help John. The only one left was Jill and she had already made it clear that she was being left out of it.

There must have been someone else.

"I may not tell you things in the beginning—" John began. "—but you will know in the end, I can promise you that."

"Right, I'll just take your word for it," Lawrence sighed and pulled himself back into his bed. "When can I see him?"

"When you can stand," John said, looking back at him with a smile.

* * *

Lawrence could stand but walking was another issue. Having a prosthetic foot threw his already-off balance even more off and it took him at least a day or two to be able to step with it and a cane. John didn't help, Lawrence had made sure of it, just sat back and watched as if he had all the time in the world.

"I found an apartment for you," John stated, meeting Lawrence's sparkling blue eyes with a smile. "—and another person if you so wish."

"What do you mean?" the blond asked, taking a shaky step forward with a quiet gasp as a sharp pain shot through his leg.

"It has two rooms," John muttered but kept the smile that Lawrence knew, even after only a month, meant the older man was up to something.

Lawrence decided to ignore it, for now, and instead motioned to his legs with his free hand. "I'm standing _and_ walking. I believe you owe me a visit."

"Of course I do, Adam should be awakening as we speak. I was simply waiting for—"

"FUCKING—HELLO? WHERE AM I?"

"He's in the building?" Lawrence asked swiftly, looking to John who simply gave a single nod.

"Through the double doors on your right. The key is on the bedside table." John said quietly but Lawrence was already moving towards the horse voice that was still shouting obscenities.

"Adam, hold on!" Lawrence shouted.

"LAWRENCE?"

Lawrence held back the smile that played at his lips as he gripped the doorway and limped through as quickly as his limp could take him. Adam sounded so relieved to hear the familiar voice despite the frantic gasping Lawrence could hear from the hallway.

"Calm down, I'm coming, I'm just a bit slow," Lawrence said just loud enough that Adam could hear.

"W-Where am I?" Adam asked swiftly just as Lawrence stepped into the doorway.

The brunet was lying on a hospital bed in what used to be a storage closet. The overhead light was bright enough to light some of the area around Adam but most of the light was shining in through the hallway. Adam was in the same clothing he had been left in, the bloodstain on his shirt laying over bandages causing a squeeze of guilt within Lawrence. Adam's skin was pale with dirty black hair sticking up in different directions. There was thin stubble on his face, a look that did _not_ suit the male, and his hand was handcuffed to the side of the bed.

Lawrence, however, looked much better from the look on Adam's face. His hair was clean, his face was full of color, and he was fucking _walking_. Unlike Adam, Lawrence had a different set of clothing on—a simple pair of black slacks and a long sleeved black button up with a pair of dress shoes. He certainly didn't look as if he had gotten his foot cut off in the past month.

Lawrence sighed and stepped inside. Lawrence quickly made his way to Adam's side before throwing his arms around the man in an embrace that surely made Adam uncomfortable but he didn't care. For two weeks straight, Lawrence forgot about the man not because he had wanted to, really, but because he had been worried about his family and his body and working out things with John.

"You're safe," Lawrence muttered into Adam's hair, pressing his lips to the dirty locks in attempts to stop himself from crying.

"Oh, man, why am I always getting into such deep shit?" Adam groaned into the embrace and Lawrence laughed, pulling back to look at him. Adam gave Lawrence a quick look over and his eyebrows furrowed. "How long has it been?"

"A month," Lawrence answered tentatively and the look he got in response made him want to hug the male again. Instead, he reached to the bedside table, which was really a tool box, and grabbed the key and a glass of water. Adam's throat was raspy, dry from being unconscious for so long.

"A _month_? I've lose an entire month of my life?"

Lawrence frowned and gave him an apologetic look before offering the water which Adam almost denied. "Do you have family or anyone who would be looking for you?"

Adam looked up at him before shaking his head slowly, ignoring his cuffed wrist and the pain in the leg that Lawrence had landed on when they embraced.

"Do you have any belongings at your apartment that you want?"

"W-What?"

Lawrence sighed and rubbed at his face. Adam wasn't going to be as accepting as he was, Adam hadn't seen Amanda or heard her story and Lawrence was positive that the sight of John would freak him out more than help. This was up to him and he was fucking it up.

"I need you to promise me you won't run," Lawrence muttered, holding up the key. "I can explain it first or I can get the cuffs off first."

"Were you the one who locked us up? Is this some sick game?!"

"No, I didn't lock you up, I gave you your choices, pick! You have to trust me," Lawrence stated seriously, eyeing Adam dangerously.

Adam blinked a few times, looked down at his wrist then up at Lawrence.

"Explain."

"Jigsaw put us there. It was a whole elaborate game—"

"Yeah, I know that part."

"Quiet," Lawrence muttered and Adam sighed. "Jigsaw was trying to make me see that there's always a way out when you aren't happy. I wasn't happy with Allison. She and I, though we loved each other, weren't in love with each other and it was hurting Diana more than helping—he made me see that. When he asked me to join him, I said yes, but this was after he saved my life. He gave me a choice just like I'm giving you."

Lawrence had kept his eyes on the key in his hands up until this point. He paused in his story and looked up to Adam who had both of his eyes squinted under heavy lidded eyes with his mouth wide open.

"Are you joking?" he asked. "Man, if you're joking I'll fucking kill you." Adam stopped and looked at the seriousness in Lawrence's blue eyes. "Are you forgetting who fucking put us there in the first place? And now, you're working with him? He's a murderer!"

"Technically—"

"Don't you fucking defend him!" Adam shouted, yanking at his cuffed hand. "So are you going to kill me, now? Put me through another game? Man, I can't believe you left your family like that."

"Adam, we didn't lose the game. He was trying to make us see that we needed to value life. He gave us a way out. I'm dead to them, Adam. My family is working on moving across the country just to escape what they've went through. Do you really think suddenly showing up at their door after two weeks would have been good for either of them?"

Adam was silent.

"I did this for them _and_ me and now I'm extending the offer to you. You hate your life, Adam. You hate your apartment and your job—you said it yourself. We're both bullshitters, right?"

"You want me to work with him?"

"No, only he can offer that. I want you to move in with me. Start a new life. I've had a few weeks to think about it. When Alison is out of town, I'll restart my practice. Money won't be an issue, Adam. You'll get the chance you never got. You've had a shitty life with shitty choices. I'm offering something that isn't shitty, for once," Lawrence stated, holding out the key. "Either way, the key is yours and you're free to leave."

Adam was quiet as he grasped the key and looked at it for a moment before inserting it into the lock of the handcuffs. It came undone and he rubbed his wrist, pulling it to his chest.

"You shot me," Adam muttered.

"I'm sorry."

"You left me."

"_I'm sorry_."

"And now you want me to fucking move in with you?" Adam's voice was confused, stunned, and far from angry but the hitch in it was what drove the guilt deeper in Lawrence.

"I promised I would come back."

"You promised that to Diana too."

The look Lawrence shot at Adam had Adam's dark eyes wide with regret. His mouth hung open again and his palms went to rub angrily at his sunken eyes. Lawrence simply moved his gaze to something across the room.

"This is why that wouldn't work, man. This is why nobody cares that I've been missing for a month."

"I've cared," Lawrence muttered, glancing back at Adam whose eyebrows furrowed once again before dropping.

"You know fuck all about me, Larry," Adam muttered. The name felt wrong on his tongue (probably because the last time he used it, it was to patronize Lawrence) so he decided then he wouldn't use the name again. "I've done some shit, you know."

"As have I."

"You didn't cheat on your wife. You _thought_ of cheating on your wife and the shit I've done, man…. Cheating sounds so much better compared. Why me?" Adam asked, looking at him. "I mean, I could just as well go back to my shitty apartment and my shitty job and keep doing what I've been doing."

"But you would have learned nothing, Adam. Jigsaw found me an apartment and told me it had two rooms. It didn't take much thought to figure out that he wanted us living together. Maybe it's just to keep tabs on us or maybe he thinks we can help each other. I've found it's better to listen to what he says. Always follow the rules even when it isn't a game."

Lawrence hated the name Jigsaw, as did John, but he didn't want to say John's name to Adam. Not that he didn't trust him but just in case Adam got caught by the police and found himself being questioned; Lawrence knew Adam well enough to know the man wouldn't go to the police by himself.

"Keep tabs on us? And, what, if we aren't doing the right thing he'll throw us into another game? What limb will you have to lose next before you learn, Lawrence?"

"I know you can't understand it but I trust him and I think we could help each other out. I think we both need it."

"What exactly do we both need, huh? Because I was perfectly fucking happy in my shitty apartment."

"No you weren't and that is the point! We need each other! We need someone who cares about whether we live or die and we need to not be alone."

"You weren't alone, Lawrence!"

Lawrence quieted and closed his eyes. How was he supposed to explain something as complicated as a failing marriage to Adam who only seemed to see the world in black and white? Adam seemed so hung up on the fact that a shitty life was better than taking a chance at a good life but his reasoning for it was so ignorant and uncomfortable for Lawrence.

"Adam, have you ever been in a loud, crowded area? Maybe a bar or club or even somewhere simple like a crowded street?"

Adam nodded his head. He had been to more than one crowded bar in his life.

"Have you ever been in a crowded place, alone? In a situation where everyone has their own lives going on and they're talking and conversing with others but you remain to be ignored? And then you look around and you notice _everyone_ is focused on something or has someone there with them but you don't? That's what my life was like. Allison had a life that wasn't me. I had a life that wasn't her. She and I only conversed for Diana and Diana was hurting because of it—hell, we were all hurting because of it. I made the most difficult decision of my life and I need you to understand where I'm coming from."

"Fucking hell, man, why? Why do you need me to do anything? I can take care of myself but I'm not a fucking rock. I'm not someone you can depend on!"

"Has anyone ever actually depended on you? Given you the chance? Given you someone to depend on as well? Have you ever had a _friend_, Adam?"

Adam frowned deeply and the two were quiet for a long moment. The distant sound of John replaying one of his tapes on a Billy doll could be heard from the workshop and Lawrence listened to it to avoid the drained look on Adam's face that made him feel guilty.

"My camera."

"What?" Lawrence asked.

"You asked if there was anything I would want from my apartment. My camera, that's all."

Lawrence stared at him, his hard blue eyes weakened and his knuckles white from gripping his cane so tightly. Adam returned the gaze though not nearly as strongly. He simply sighed and gave a nod.

A simple nod.

"We have your camera," Lawrence said with a smile. "They were ready to throw all of your belongings out because the rent hadn't been paid. Instead of paying we just took your things," Lawrence said with a shrug.

"Great, I didn't have a fucking place to go back to even if I wanted to?"

"No, I had money I could have given you to start out," Lawrence said with a wave of his hand.

"I wouldn't have accepted it."

"Probably not but I would have paid your first three months of rent anyway," Lawrence stated with a shrug and a smirk.

"So who is Jigsaw anyway? I mean, he did kind of leave me to die in that bathroom. Don't I at least deserve to meet him?"

"Maybe. It's not up to me, it's up to him," Lawrence motioned towards the door and Adam glanced over to it momentarily before returning his dark eyes to Lawrence.

They were silent for a long period of time. Lawrence seemed lost in thought and Adam didn't want to disturb him. The blonde's eyes were locked on the concrete floor and it wasn't until Adam sighed and allowed his head to fall back against the bed that the blue eyed male looked up at him.

"We're in some deep shit, aren't we?" Adam asked quietly.

"I chose this, Adam."

"Did you?" Adam asked, his voice remaining unnaturally quiet.

"Yes," Lawrence said sternly. "You were also given a choice, Adam."

"I'm not worried about me. I'm not the one with the family or a great job or a great life." The look given to him by Lawrence had Adam continuing. "I'm just—I need to know you don't regret it."

Without a thought, Lawrence responded, "I don't regret it however, I can't say you won't. I may ask you for help to do things you may not be comfortable with."

Adam laughed coldly reflecting the sarcastic personality he possessed. "I've done shit all of my life I wasn't _comfortable_ with. _Comfortable_ doesn't matter anymore."

"It will. I will make it matter."

"Of course you will. You will just…"Adam paused with a scoff, "… save everything, won't you?"

Lawrence laughed despite Adam's sarcastic tone. "I'm working on it."


End file.
